Saturday, December 09, 2006

Dysfunctional family blues, Oval Office style

They're trying to deprogram the wayward son who fell under the spell of cultists. They've locked the kid in the little study off the Oval Office with only his friend Barney for company. The Deprogrammer takes charge.
Baker gently nudges Laura aside. “Now son, hear me out. We’ve disabled your enablers. Rummy has written his last self-serving memo. Dick’s got his hands full explaining his darlin’ new grandchild’s Two Mommies. Don’t bother calling for Condi. She’s at the bottom of Foggy Bottom. You’ve got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em.”

It’s not sinking in. “We must achieve our objective,” Junior sputters. “Our objective is success. To succeed we must have success. If we don’t win, we lose. We are the winners. We can’t let the ... we’re in an ideological struggle and that’s why we have a strategy ... AL QAEDA! We must help democracy in Iraq succeed because ... ISLAMOFASCISTS! ... that is the objective of a successful ...”

Barney scratches at the door, trying to cut and run.
That's how Maureen Dowd sees it, and excerpts don't do her vision justice. If you don't have Times Select, grab a copy of the Times on the newsstand. Or make a trip to the library. It's worth it. When Dowd says, "It is not a happy mood in the Oval Office," she means it.

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